She loved him, but she loved him so much that it was burning and killing her inside of her body. She could not believe he left her here in the middle of nowhere, because the world without him was like a dessert, like Sahara.
The guy’s name was Francois, he was from Switzerland and she was Isabelle, but she was a pure beautiful French girl. He was a senior and she was a junior in a famous English high-school in Paris. . How did they meet? He was the one who made the first step. Francois started writing her messages on the worldwide famous Facebook. She was impressed, because he was one the boys that every girl at school wanted and she, on the other hand, was not one of those popular students that everyone wanted to be with. On their first night out, he succeeded to bring her at his place and then her first real passionate kiss followed. She was not one of those types of women that were giving out themselves, but as if he was some magician that enchanted her and she fell right into the wolf’s paws. This kiss was the beginning of the best thing that happened in Isabelle’s life, but as well the most painful one. Everyday she heard different girls to state that Francois was hitting on them and this made her to freak out, because she knew it was true. She could not live with the idea that while she was home alone, he could be fondling another woman the way he did with her. After four months, everything was over.
After a week of permanent crying, she decided to talk to him. Isabelle proposed the idea of just making love, without being in a relationship. He accepted. They started seeing each other again and again, and then once when he was all over her and she felt his breathe, she realized she loves him. She had to accept this “friends with benefits” relationship and listen about his affairs just because she needed to be close to him. The months passed away and the summer came. He had to leave France. Francois spent his last night in Paris with Isabelle. It was already five in the morning and he had to leave. Her heart was going to explode. Standing on the door, hugging him and feeling his beat for last time, she realized she would not see him again. He left her there with all the pain inside of her fragile body. He left her there alone, in the most romantic dessert ever- Paris. The door closed, she started crying, and then she screamed “I love you”, words she never said out loud before, but he was gone.
I like your story; I think it is very passionate. The style you wrote in is very good. The simple but powerful sentences that you used contribute to the overall romantic and at the same time tragic mood of the story. I like the comparisons you use to express the character’s feelings and reveal how severe they were. However, you can make some changes in order to make it sound even better. Since your character seems to have a lot more to tell about her emotions and her story you should make your telling longer. It would be even more powerful that way because now you describe every emotion and situation shortly and end it abruptly. This takes away the magic of the story and does not draw the characters and the setting very clearly. I love your telling and I just think I should suggest you how to make it even more enchanting.
Hello, I am Natalie Hristova from the American College of Sofia and this is my blog for the IB English class. This year I am a senior and I hope it will be the best one of all the time I have spent in my high-school. I have never done my own site before, so I am really excited about creating it, where I can post my stories and upload photos, so that I can share my experience. I am planning to write some romantic story and another piece of writing that is describing my adventures around the world. I hope you will enjoy my page and you will learn some new interesting facts
Hey Nat,
ReplyDeleteI like your story; I think it is very passionate. The style you wrote in is very good. The simple but powerful sentences that you used contribute to the overall romantic and at the same time tragic mood of the story. I like the comparisons you use to express the character’s feelings and reveal how severe they were.
However, you can make some changes in order to make it sound even better. Since your character seems to have a lot more to tell about her emotions and her story you should make your telling longer. It would be even more powerful that way because now you describe every emotion and situation shortly and end it abruptly. This takes away the magic of the story and does not draw the characters and the setting very clearly.
I love your telling and I just think I should suggest you how to make it even more enchanting.